College

I apologize if anyone still uses this website and reads this:

I've learned that College is land of possibilities. It's what every high schooler wants. "Get me the hell out of here!" I thought in those final days of IB testing. It's what anyone from Alabama hopes will fill that void during your final summer at home. I began to hate my home near the end, I just wanted out. But now I see that I was missing the point: that it was home. I miss being familiar with where I'm going, I miss a few people. I miss my parents, I miss my room. I've had amazing opportunities here in New Orleans and there's certainly no lack of things to do around here. However, I've also learned that college is a land of dualities.
This place is truly fun. There are amazing people here. But I'm staying here for New Orleans. Not Loyola. I now miss Birmingham... and some of the people. When I graduated high school, I left it behind. Returning home, I found that people physically left high school, but mentally they're still sitting at lunch talking about people and making a big deal out of everything. Sometimes all I want to do is drive to a city I've never been to, just for a day. I love the music that I've come into making and hearing. I love what I'm learning in some of my classes. But for the most part, this place is greatest because I can be here with the promise of being able to go to the French Quarter every weekend. It's easy to get lost in all the bullshit.
The thought of having my good friends in a different state is bothing liberating and hurtful. Liberating in the fact that I know that someone's going to be there for me when I go back and I have a "base" to grow from. Hurtful in the sense that they're not here. I feel like I'm on my own which is both liberating and alienating. I miss someone more than I really even should right now.
Cliffside, Southern Italy.
Pre-Chorus The black sand,
And your hand,
In my hand.
That's about all I've written thus far.
I'm in love with you in dreams and in songs. I associate songs with people and places now. I listen to a song and get lost in a memory or hopes. It's like a two and a half minute long movie that I can watch whenever I want. Certain songs make me want to drive somewhere so I can listen to them very very loud, and some make me want to go home so I can lay in bed and look at the sky at night--you could put that in a really sappy art movie if you'd like.
I'm thinking of an Intro (maybe the same as the chorus)
Verse
Pre-Chorus (aforementioned, and using synth drums--breakdown sort of thing)
Chorus (swelling to a lot of fuzz and static, really loud)
Verse (no electronic, acoustic guitar chord progression, maybe some really nice clean, and drawn out vocals)
Outro
It'll be a song that starts out as one song, and then ends as a completely different song.
I miss my home, all I want to do is be there and drive around all night with Javi and just talk about stuff. Maybe go to Ryan's house and play a zombie board game, maybe call bart and see if he wants to drive around blasting metal everywhere, maybe call wil and drive around blasting Say Anything.
I love learning, but I can't wait til this summer. I love not spending much money and will try to spend even less in the coming months. Whole Foods is a great store. Stacy's Pita Chips are amazing. Smartfood popcorn is amazing. Life is great, but for some reason, it all feels so temporary. Going home made this place feel so much more like a summer camp.
I'm in love with you in unwritten songs and dreams. (Sexy line... it just needs to flow better.)

I've learned a bit...

I see now that they do not hate me...... rather they just don't care if I'm attending. If I'm there, I'm just there. I speak to two people out of the crowd on a regular basis and without awkward pause.. and even then it's hard because said two are.... well..... oggling.

I'm not sure that's worth it... but I find myself with the inability to care too much anymore.

Yarp

Hot Fuzz is funnier than Shaun of the Dead.... and I like zombie movies.



Spring Break and the past week were amazing, though I missed a lot of people, and some... not so much. People get on my nerves, but not so much... I truly hate that the people I hung out with last summer--also the people that made it so amazing--are essentially split like Colonial Africa or the districts of Pre-Revolutionary France, though. I wonder, at times, if I'm missing out on things, but I quickly come to the conclusion that I don't really care anymore. I'm tired of initiating interactions--having to put myself out there for people to react to, and not receiving equal interest or some confused estranging look that displays a message equating to "Are you fucking serious?" or "Hey... when did you begin to think we were friends, asshole?" I'm not being moody or "all-seeing" (introspective)... merely tired. I'm happy with my close friends and girlfriend... soooooooo happy. It's those people that decide they're "on the fence" with me that I just don't get--those persons who don't really seem to want to be friends, those who tolerate you as opposed to enjoying your presence.

Sadness is Surrender -- my new dardman. song. Still working on it. Hoping to record soon.